The Mistakes Men Make When Online Dating…

16 Sep

After witnessing a male friends dating profile, I was left shaking my head. What I saw was a calamity of mistakes. I also have some male friends who are aware they need help in this area and have given me the green light to help them create a better dating profile.

Having used online dating in the past, I consider myself someone that talks about it from experience. I remember when I first signed-up, I had no idea what I was really doing and that’s the message I get when I see dating profiles.

At the time, I had a few female friends who were also on the same dating site. Their experience was very different, whilst I was moaning about the lack of messages; they were bemoaning the tons of messages and many which bordered on the lines of harassment and the pathetic.

I sat down with a flatmate of mine and asked her to log in and show me what happens. We’d only been logged in for 30 odd minutes, and she’d received over a dozen new messages from guys.

There was a typical theme. There were guys, usually with a profile picture of them topless, would send a message saying “hey babez wana cum n chat 2 me sumtime”.

Then you had the essays, no not Mexican friends, but guys who’d actually written several paragraphs of prose for a first-time message to my friend. I suspect some of them were copied and pasted, but others look personalised towards her profile.

Unfortunately there was nothing good about these essays other than sending off alarms how needy, insecure, desperate etc. these Men were. Examples would be apologising for messaging her and talking about themselves in a negative tense, like ‘I can’t, I don’t, I lost’.

And of course there were the obscene messages which caused a few female friends of mine to leave the site. I guess there’s only so many ‘i wanna lick your cunt’ or ‘send me your dirty panties’ messages a Woman can take.

Finally it leaves the typical blokes, Mr Average, the nice guys – who send the polite message but get ignored because of all of the above.

It was clear that the site was not attracting Men that my friend or other female friends would want to date, at least from first impressions.

Online dating is a tricky business. There are people who are on there to be perverse, some are on there to just make new online friends, others want to find a fuck buddy and some hopeless souls are looking for The One.

In general, I think a big mistake most Men make is they become a little fake and disingenuous.

Those guys who are only looking for casual sex will usually express how much they want a relationship on their profile or if not, then in their messages with Women, because they think that’s what Women want to hear.

I think it is easy for guys to become dishonest on the site because of the competition and process. An attractive Woman on a dating profile does not have to do much after she signs up, other than filter through all the messages and approaches she receives to see if there’s anyone worth messaging back, never mind actually meeting in person.

Taking my friend I mentioned at the top of this post as an example; he’s a pretty frustrated chump. Having got nowhere with online dating previously, despite sending messages to a number of Women, he’s taken an antagonistic approach.

Using photo shop or some other device, he’s put the words ‘You Won’t Talk To Me Because You Are Picky And Shallow’.

He may feel like goading the Women on the site will work, for them to show that they are not all picky and shallow. It may work for some, usually those lacking confidence themselves but generally it’s too hostile for a dating site. After all, a dating profile should be welcoming and laid back.

Seven of his other pictures consist of him holding alcohol in his hand with no other people in these photo’s or particularly interesting backgrounds. I am pretty sure Women who love to drink every day find this attractive, but most will be clicking next.

Details like height, weight, smoker, pet owner etc. usually have no validity as, in my experience, found most people lie here.

What is more important is the About Me section. The piece of prose where you have to ‘sell yourself’. I was shocked when I saw the section of this guys profile because, he is a writer and thought it would be fully of wit, humour, mystery and intelligence.

Instead it’s extremely bland, generic and rather boring. It may seem like the right thing to do to state your intentions but don’t follow it up with lists of Bands and Movies you like. It might have been ok on myspace when you were 14, but leave it out of dating profiles.

His profile by far not the worst, but there’s nothing here that would get attention or a response. I feel this is the biggest mistake guys make of them all and that is sounding BORING.

In retrospect, I think this was what changed online dating for me in the past when I realised my mistakes and what I needed to do.

Online dating is a competitive market. After realising what my competition (other Men) were doing, I realised what I needed to do differently and that was sound interesting.

It took me a few attempts but I had finally written a profile that was witty, interesting, captivating but most importantly mysterious.

Guys, if you tell her your life story on your profile and by the 3rd online message, what the hell will you talk about if you decide to meet her in person?

Conveying mystery can be difficult but it certainly does create curiosity and sexual tension.

Also, I think another mistake guys and even Women do with online dating, is take it too seriously.

People become so involved and attached to the outcome whether its sex or love, it can affect how they’re coming across to others.

I will be making a Guide to Online Dating/Plenty of Fish PDF soon.

Mr X

One Response to “The Mistakes Men Make When Online Dating…”

  1. thedreamingsub September 16, 2012 at 4:29 pm #

    My husband created a profile for me on POF and collar me. It lasted about 24 hours and was a complete disaster. One guy messaged me 6 times in an hour with the last one stating, “I want to be that guy!” Some 200 messages later (in 24 hours) I deleted the accounts.I don’t have time to weed through all of that to find a guy I might want to chat with online. I can’t handle those sites. I felt very weird about it.

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